I think we’ve made summer harder than it needs to be.

Between the activity bins and the Pinterest boards and the pressure to give our kids a childhood for us to document, we started treating summer like a project. Something to plan for and execute well.

But I don’t think that’s what actually makes a summer memorable. Not for our kids and not for us.

The summers I look back on most fondly weren’t the ones with the most going on. They were the ones where things just unfolded naturally. Without a lot of effort or intention behind them.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. About what really works with little kids. What buys real time, real calm, real independent play. And it almost never looks like what I thought it would.

It’s usually something involving a hose, a bucket of water, some dirt and an afternoon with nowhere to be and in no rush.

The Toddler Go-To’s

Water play in any form is the thing I reach for on warm mornings. A bin with some water, a few cups, maybe some rocks or flowers from outside. A sprinkler, splash pad or little pool. Toddlers will pour and splash and experiment for a long time when you just leave them to it. Water seems to always settle and keep my daughters creative attention.

Mud is underrated. A patch of dirt, some water, old spoons from the kitchen. Let them make pies and potions and whatever else they come up with. Kids who get genuinely messy outside tend to be calmer when they come back inside. The laundry is worth it. I just thrift stainless steel bowls and kitchen pans.

Ice is one of the best kept secrets of toddler play. Freeze small toys in a container or ice molds of water overnight. Put in a bowl with a spoon and a cup of warm water. My daughter spent an entire morning on this. You can call it getting them out of jail or animal rescue. You can freeze anything, flowers, sticks, pinecones. 

Nature soup, send them outside with a bucket of water and tell them to collect ingredients. Flowers, sticks, leaves, rocks, dirt, whatever they find. Then they make soup. This buys an unbelievable amount of time and costs nothing. We just use a stick to stir or a big spoon. 

Chalk on the driveway. Not a project, just chalk and concrete. Leave them to it and go sit down. You can also put out little cups of water and paint brushes to chalk paint. 

For babies along for the ride

Ice cubes on a hot afternoon. Let them hold one, feel the cold, figure out what it does. Or put ice cubes in a bowl and let them feel the textures and see it melt. Just with most things closely supervise so they don’t put in mouth. 

A shallow bin with water and some cups. Sit beside them and let them explore it. When my girls were babies they both just liked to splash their hands around. 

Flower petals floating in a bowl of water. Pretty and free and completely absorbing for little hands. And when they get bored hand them spoon or stick to mix them. 

Texture walks with barefoot through grass, over warm concrete, onto cool dirt. Narrate what they’re feeling. That’s sensory play that costs nothing and goes anywhere.

The Unplanned Afternoons

I used to feel like I needed to be doing more with my daughters. Planning more, setting up more, facilitating more. Like the quality of their childhood had something to do with how much effort I was putting into each day.

I don’t think that anymore.

The afternoons they have the most fun are never the ones I planned. They’re the ones where I turned the oscillating sprinkler on, blew up the little pool and sat on a lawn chair watching them with a good novel in my hand. When I put a hummingbird feeder up and she waits and talks to them, then tries to chase them. Where we sat on the porch and ate watermelon and did absolutely nothing but sit and listen to birds and look for airplanes. Or when I put on a CD in the kitchen and make dinner while they play tag and chase each other around the house laughing.

Kids don’t need a curated summer. They need a present one.

That’s what the 90s Butter Mom Summer Guide is about. Not a list of activities to do with your kids but a whole way of moving through the season. Slower and easier. With less noise and more of the ordinary moments that become the memories. Inspiration to making this summer how you imagined Motherhood being. 

If that sounds like the kind of summer you want, link is below.